The Cold Room & Echo Walls

It’s hard to think about but it’s my story..

The third day of stent pain and the day of its removal.

After trying to send me home for the past 2 days

The migraine had crippled me, and the pain roared.

They wheeled me into this cold room.

Drs, nurses, and others around you.

My eyes start scanning the room looking at who is present, what they are doing, whilst trying to stay calm.

I remember telling my Dr that I’m anxious, I’m scared,  and I would really prefer to be asleep.

With a caring voice in one ear saying, “it’ll all be OK, you’ll just feel some movement as the Dr will put local anesthetic in you, it may feel cold.”

I remember them starting, a shot of liquid straight up in my lady parts..

The tears fell from my eyes, one ear the nurse tells them my canula is blocked, whilst the other is telling me to spread my legs.

My brain feels absent as I am struggling to comprehend what the nurse is telling me.

I’m disoriented and had to ask her to repeat herself because I wasn’t understanding…

Me, “Sorry what did you say?!”
As I scream from the pain. To what feels like eternity, and the walls echo my voice.

“Darling, you’re doing well, just breathe, he is done!”

To my dispair, “No I’m not, I’ve only just got the camera in.”

My head gets dizzy, everything becomes a blur.

The white walls feel closer and the nurses voices become distant and my soul feels like it’s been resurrected out my beaten flower pouch… FFS..

The out of the body euphoria feels like you’re untouchable, as you feel so out of it from pain.

Yet within moments, your soul comes tearing through your body like your falling from the 84th story to the ground, to which your lungs explode from the impact.

All you feel is the echoes rebounding the walls and your body lifts off the bed..

All I wanted to do was kick him in the head.

The traumatic removal of my stent, was one that I’ll never forget.

I sign off with a battered soul, by cold rooms and echo walls.

It’s hard to think about,
I’m Barely Jade

In sickness and in business

Hi JADE family…

Buckle in…. I’m here to express myself.

Many may know me personally, many have kept in the loop on my personal page.

However, many of you beautiful souls, aren’t on my personal page. So to all of my supporters & new followers, I’m here to reintroduce myself.

Better yet, cry it out.. 😭

My name is Jade-Maree. I am 31 years young. I have 4 beautiful children, Tayla, Shaeleigh, Brock & Kingston. They are turning 10,9,7 & 5.

I’ve done a fair few things in the past, with what I’ve studied, and what I haven’t finished….

I began my working career in flipping burgers for a short period in Kalbar, I moved onto retail work in Best & Less, where I thrived, I loved everything about it, that I did my Certifications in retail management and supervision, then worked my way up to training in management.

I then decided I wanted to follow my childhood dream to become a police officer, move to becoming a mounted officer. Yup, started all my studies, nailed my criminal codes and was off to get my gun license but during all this shit happened and I missed out on re-enrollment to finish. (I was under the impression I’d enrolled in the whole program but wasn’t)

Did do a few pub jobs working behind the bar, may have drank my earnings away back then πŸ˜‚ I loved a good time.

I then did a few more retail jobs where I thrived. I even worked for Wayne’s World in boonah, I was 2IC, and that’s when I fell in love with managing.

I decided I wanted my own business whilst I was pregnant with Tayla. I was 21 when I fell with her. So that’s where my self employment journey began.

I started a remedial massage diploma, didn’t finish due to dislocating my thumb in netball and had major nerve damage in my hand to my elbow.

I’ve completed certifications in Spray tanning, & eyelash extensions 2013. I’ve got my Master Aromatherapy Practioner Diploma. I am also a nail technician, completed my studies in 2014. I also started a degree in 2016, in Midwifery. Unfortunately deferred due to my 4th baby.

Currently studying my masters in prenatal and postnatal aromatherapy and menopausal women & my own beauty diploma. As, a business owner I believed it was something I needed as a whole so if I ended up with no employees I’d be able to run my business with all my services.

I am not sure really how to get all of my stuff off my chest to you in a simple post…but please bare with me. ❀️

I used to smile lots, love hard, be the social butterfly πŸ¦‹, I am creative, and ambitious. I have been self employed for 10 years and always worked on a business.

If I didn’t like it… Next… Probably something my husband hated about me. But, I’ve always said, I’m not settling for anything that doesn’t make me happy as a business owner.

I’ve dreamed hard and also struggled behind closed doors. Gosh I really could write a book.

I have fought so hard for my business, and I mean there has been so many days that I’ve wanted to just quit. Especially recently. I’ve wanted to sell my business.

I’ve felt so emotionally and physically stagnant in my business and with everything I have gone through the past 3 years makes me question why I am still trying to keep my business alive.

So, I wanted to speak to you guys about my brand being JADE. In my highs, I wanted a brand that represented me. Who I was, the woman I wanted to be, the beautiful kind soul, the ambitious warrior, the social butterfly, the empathetic caring beauty therapist, who could embrace women who were, struggling, in any aspect of their lives, with their health, be it pain, or their skin such as acne or just a mummy makeover and giving them a beautiful makeup look for a party…

Everything I THOUGHT πŸ’­ I was… I wanted my brand to be. 😭 Now I’m crying… Pull your shit together Jade…

Yes, the whole idea of using my name was for me to be the face of my business. Of course.

You see… My life hasn’t always been pretty butterflies and rainbows. By all means no one’s life’s are. I get that. I’m just wanting to share my story.

Since I was 14, I struggled with chronic pain, as a young girl with my monthly visits. I got told at 14, that I’d probably not have kids. If I was wanting them, I’d have to start trying at a young age. Of course not recommended at 14. But my reality was that I was in for a very long haul..

I’ve suffered quietly for 17 years. 17!!

I suffer with, PCOS, endometriosis, suspected adenomyosis. I also fractured my back at 13 years old. That injury has also caused me great pain.

I suffer from chronic migraines, causing blood noses and vomiting and many hospital trips.

I suffer from low blood pressure causing fainting episodes unannounced.

I suffer from hydronephrosis. Hydronephrosis is a blockage in your ureter causing kidneys to swell and then fail. This I have suffered from for 10 years. Pain is equivalent if not worse then labour. I for one prefer labour over this pain.

All these issues have caused multiple problems. I battle on a daily to just get out of bed. Some of these problems lead to fainting behind the steering wheel with my 4 kids in the car, my then 8 year old having to ring my neighbor to come get me. Due to a ruptured cyst.

And yes, these issues have also caused me to faint and collapse at work behind the counter on customers. Who have had to close the shop and ring the ambulance. 4 times this has happened since I opened the shop.

Even, having to cancel on clients because pain would appear unannounced and I’d be bent over unable to even stand straight.

As a business owner canceling on clients is the last thing I ever wanted to do, or be known for. It absolutely killed me to do. And yes, I cried about it. I was letting people down who trusted in me.

I’m so sorry.

I’ve fought, long and hard and last November, I was given a hysterectomy. Finally.

I had planned that this was it. Home stretch.

Unfortunately no. During surgery they nicked my ureter and I then ended up with a stent and drain out my stomach. I ended up having great issues, multiple kidney infections, blocked catherters many more readmissions.

I had to have a second surgery on the 22nd December, which was to check the hole and a dye test to see if my ureter healed. Unfortunately, again, no luck, my ureter was 100% blocked and I now need a major reconstruction surgery in the coming weeks.

What does that entail. I will be having a open stomach or c-section type surgery which will go across pelvis and up the side of my stomach. They cut off my ureter, cut the hole πŸ•³ off and then they have to reattach it to my bladder. They called it plastic surgery. 😭

Honestly, you probably all don’t need to know this, but, after coming home again today from Hospital, I’m feeling really defeated. Sad. So sad. My whole body hurts, I want to give up.

But, I felt it was time to let everyone know who follows me know, why they don’t see me much anymore, why I’m not working in the shop, why I’m not the face of my business.

It’s because, I’m broken. So broken.

And I’m trying with all my heart and soul to keep that little amber ash alight. To keep soldiering on.

I want to be open and transparent, that this business means the world to me, and behind closed doors I’ve fought sooooo hard to keep it going.

I’m wanting you to know that it’s just me behind my page, and I don’t mean to be “boring” or that business who posts just “sales posts”, I used to share life pictures and stories, and I just want to say I’m sorry, because to me they are the safest posts for me to share at the moment, because this is the kinda post I’d dribble with if I shared my authentic self and at this moment it breaks my soul to share.

Because I feel like I’ve lost myself.

Completely and utterly have lost my inner flame πŸ”₯

I hope one day soon that I’ll be able to smile like I once did. ❀️

Again, thank you to everyone who supports my business. Online or instore…

Love Jade.